Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
