had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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