Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
