Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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