you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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