Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
