I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how does that bad decision feel?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
