i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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