I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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