Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
