What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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