You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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