I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's blow job season.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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