God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
