I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
