conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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