it was like his penis was on wheels.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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