yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize