I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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