Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
