i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
