well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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