dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
