FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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