I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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