but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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