and you said cock pushups were impossible
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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