would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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