don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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