I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
is that a dick in a sweater?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
