were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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