i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
