My brain says no but my pants say off.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
