The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
she looked like the before picture.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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