I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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