Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
