Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
