btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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