Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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