I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
