I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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