your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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