I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
