apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize