I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
