Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
