He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
