on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
