I faked an abortion last night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
