Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
