I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i think my cat just said my name.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
