somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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