Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize