I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
