My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
