Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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