I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
