cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
