Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
