wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
