woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
