They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i now understand why vodka
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
