i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
do herpes really smell.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
