Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
