What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize