I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize