theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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