I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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