i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
