I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
