So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
