Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
